Forgiveness

You don't know what they did to me Darlene.

They hurt me.

I know, I've been hurt too.

I'll never forgive them for what they did to me.

You're going to have to if you want to get better.

But you don't know what they did.

I don't have to know, the same kinds of things have happened to me too.

We have a tendency to hold tight to things:  pain, hurts, baggage, every little thing that made us feel a certain kind of way.

Holding on to those kinds of things is like trying to hold a handful of sand, it's all slipping through your fingers in the first place, but still you hold tight.  The tighter you try to grasp it the more it slips away.

Your pain can be a prison or a platform, it's always your choice.

What are you going to do with it?

If you make it your prison, it's going to make you sick and take you to some deep dark places.  It's gonna twist you up and mess up your heart as well as your head.

When we hold on to those pains, we lay awake at night, thinking about what happened, letting it play over and over again in our heads like some bad re-run.  We plot our revenge, what we'll say, how that person will react, but its all a lie.  The scenario will never play out the way we imagine it and half the time those people have moved on and forgotten all about what they've done to us.

But you don't know what they did to me Darlene.

I'm not standing here telling you it doesn't matter because it does, but what matters more is you being healed and whole.

You matter more.

Yes you.

You matter so much more than the stuff you're caught up in right this second.

  What matters more is the state of your heart and moving forward.

What matters more is breaking you out of that prison, so you can breathe again.

And stop listening to and talking to the chatter box!

Just stop!

It never says anything nice, not ever!

Forgiveness is a choice and you may have to do it more than once.  You might even have to do it a bunch of times for a very long time until you really are over it.

You can start with forgiving yourself.

We've all done dumb stuff, gotten into situations because of bad choices, chosen the wrong people to love, the list goes on and on, but I want you to know it's okay to forgive yourself.

Life is happening to each and every one of us and we all play a part in that.

Forgive yourself.  It's okay to do that.

Now, forgive them.

But you don't know Darlene.

I don't need to know.

Forgive them.

But they hurt me.

I know it was terrible, they were absolutely the worst for hurting you that way and I'm sorry.

Forgive them.

Nothing anyone else does is because of you.

I know you find that hard to believe right this second but it's true.

Forgive them.

The chains are going to start breaking, your heart is going to eventually stop hurting, your mind is going to stop keeping you awake at night with all those crazy plots it's got going on and you will begin to live again.

You will pick up the pieces and hold your head high and begin the forward movement your life requires.

I know it's hard, don't think I don't.

I'm having to do the same thing.

It takes practice and I've had lots of practice.

Forgive them.

Now breathe.

That's it, take a long deep breath and let it out.

Forgive them.

They can't hurt me anymore.  I forgive them.

I'm not going to hold on to this any longer.  I forgive them.

If you choose not to forgive them they will always have power over you.

How dumb is it to enslave yourself to someone who probably hasn't given you a second thought since the thing happened?

Forgive them.

I didn't say it was going to be easy, I even told you it could take a few times, but you can do it.  I believe in you.

Don't you want to be free?  To breathe?  To be able to laugh and to smile again?

Forgive them.

If you don't believe I'm doing the same thing my husband left me a year ago, took the car, said all sorts of terrible things to me and this was after he'd taken everything we owned to the dope man.  He left me with my truck in the shop, a baby and $6000 in debt for his stuff.

He didn't even say goodbye.  We were in the bed taking a nap when it happened.

I never got the car back, I'm still paying for it.

Sixteen years this has been going on, him actively addicted carrying everything off, while I'm clean and busting my tail to pay for all of it.

I forgive him.

But how can you do that Darlene?

I have to for me.

I have to because Jesus forgave me.

I have to because I can't use any of it to move forward into my destiny.

I have to because of grace.

I forgive him, like I've forgiven him so many times before.

I told you I've had a lot of practice.

I'm not by any means excusing his behavior or letting him off the hook for treating me second best.  I can't do anything about any of that, but in order for my heart to be right, to be healed and whole I forgive him.

What kind of person do I look like loving everyone but him?

I forgive him.

Jesus forgave me everything.  He forgave me being an addict and a prostitute.  He welcomed me with open arms.

He's never thrown it in my face or reminded me of any of it.

I've been forgiven so much, I can forgive this one thing.

I'm taking that pain and using it as a platform in hopes it will help you or someone else.

Forgiveness is healing me every moment of every day.

Don't you want to be healed too?

Forgive them.

I love you so much thanks for letting me share.