And The Beat Goes On

      Funny thing happened to me yesterday.  I joined this new group.  I'm not going to tell you the name of it, but you can just use your imagination.  This group consists of dominant and submissive people right?     I started out in the lifestyle working at a club, where it was my job to participate in S&M and erotic shows.  I was a dancer at the time, but took this job on the side because it was a club I loved to party at and I had friends that were connected through the staff.     I am 52 years old, that lifestyle has been in my life for over 32 years.     Some little boy, and I say little boy because I already ran across him in the room and because of what he said I went and check his profile.  I've got kids older than him.     He's a dom and I'm a dom.  He's not a very smart dom because he obviously doesn't know protocol works and there is great protocol in that lifestyle.  If speaking to...

In getting in tune to who I am, what I want and the energy I possess, I've been stepping back from social media, from things that cause me to worry, from activities that may cause resistance or negative feelings. Social media is the absolute worst for this! Yesterday, I wasn't really participating but the computer was sitting right next to me as I was painting and a post popped up.  This young man was slamming someone else who unfriended him, because the two were wasting extensive energy arguing over religion.  The post was made in a mocking way asking others how laughable was it. I pointed out it was a laughable as his slamming the guy for everyone to see because they didn't believe alike. He kept trying to draw me into the narrative and overlooking the statement I made. I let him know I really didn't care about the conversation or the content of it and stated how he came to a place where it was okay for him to slam the guy publicly over their differen...

When I leave Alabama, I will not have a job and I never plan to get another. I'm putting my husband in the rightful position he should have had all along, protector and provider. I'm not above waiting tables two or three times a week, because I enjoy it and it's a vehicle for connections, but it's not a priority. Working and generating income are two entirely separate things.  I will be generating income daily. I have a skill that is marketable where I'm going. I'm trusting the universe to take care of me, I'm staying in my vibration of abundance and if it's not fun I really don't want to do it. I have a stock pile of paintings, am painting as we speak and now have a specific audience in mind.  I have plenty of makeup to sell and that will bring me other connections. I'm so excited for this new movement of energy in my life! There is an incubation period of time that has to lapse before we can get there from here, but we will...

There's so much going on in my life right this minute and I'm totally tuned in to the universe. We made a decision four days ago to move to Panama City Florida and today we got a line on a place we can buy! I'm so very excited! It's happening much faster than we planned and that's so wonderful! I loved the vibration there and I've outgrown Alabama, its time to move on, to the next big adventure. I'm going to Florida to become a Mary Kay millionaire.  I'm going to Florida to sell art.  I'm going to Florida to start the next chapter of my life! It all makes so much sense!  My love for mermaids, my love of painting the ocean and my love of fish. The decision was made with weeping and overwhelming joy. It's a part of me now, it's real, it's happening without my putting any effort into it and I'm no longer afraid. I'm training my daughter in law to take over my job and I'm not even looking for a job, I'...

I absolutely had no other choice than to turn off all the voices.  I feel like I'm at war with everything and everyone. It's a place that's quiet, there's only me there, but I feel so powerful for having done it. No voices, no testimonies, no questions, no comments, no likes. I've been sitting here at this table painting. I'm there, listening to myself, flowing in a positive energy. Went back to some Jake Ducey, energy, the law of attraction, good vibrations. No academics, no scholars, no preachers, no artist, just me, Darlene.  Peaceful and quiet, with nothing to say. Paint and brushes and canvas.

Over the last year or so I've come to a new place in my journey. I friended someone on social media who taught me how to ask questions, how to look for answers, how to use my own brain concerning spiritual matters and God. By the way the picture is of the street corner I used to buy drugs on and prostituted from. I've been keeping it to myself for many reasons but mostly because it is mine and mine alone and I didn't want to share it with anyone until I was sure where I stood concerning everything religious. Lines are going to be drawn, people who I thought were my friends are going to reject me and walk away, others have already done so. My husband came home for the first time in almost two years in January and before he arrived I made a decision to walk away from everything and dedicate my time and energy to his wellness.  So far so good.  He's working, has some clean time, is selfishly protecting his sobriety and I'm okay with that. First it wa...