The solution and answer to the problem is love

I'm in a place of great happiness, today and I've decided most of the situations in my life are not for me to fix.

Addiction causes more than just the immediate problem of a person is getting high.  It causes huge rifts in all the relationships around that person.

For instance, I have three sons and they love me.  They love my husband because I love him, because he's been in their lives for so many years, but there is a huge gulf between them that needs to be mended right now.  His actions have hurt them, disappointed them and every time they see him they begin building more walls, because they don't want to be hurt.

They have a vested interest in wanting to see him well and their mother happy in her marriage.  For the record I've always been happy in my marriage, it's just this one thing that turns everything upside down.  My husband is a hopeless romantic, he's got a heart of gold, children and animals love him and he's never been mean to me.  Sure he's said some things, in late night phone calls when he was off somewhere high, but we all know misery loves company.  Today I wish I'd had better responses and understanding of those calls, rather than all the anger I was twisted up in because he was gone and getting messed up.

My boys don't get closure or the opportunity to dissect what goes on because one day he's here, the next he's gone and they don't see or hear from him again until he's back.  All three are grown and married with their own families.

All these years I've played referee and the fixer.  I'm not doing it anymore, it's not my place, it's their relationships to mend and if they choose not to then there is nothing I can do about it.  Furthermore it's absolutely exhausting to feel caught in the middle of everyone.

Yesterday, my husband ran across a letter my son wrote.  No, he wasn't snooping, because neither one of us are like that, the letter was sitting in the open on my desk and he just happened to pick it up.  It had some hurtful things said in it in response to something I had said previously about not wanting to do it any longer.

Hurt people hurt people.

He was hurt and we talked about it.  My heart is hell bent on protecting his heart, but this one time I'm stepping back and putting the responsibility on him.  It's his relationship to mend, its his forgiveness to give and to get.

I can't fix anyone but me.  I can't be responsible for anyone but me and it's not my place to try to mend their relationships and heal their hearts.

I'm not the go between anymore.

I love him.  I don't care what anyone thinks or says about him and it's going to remain that way.  I've been with him for seventeen years, for seventeen years they've not dealt with their garbage, because mama has always played the peace maker.

He's hurt, of course, but we talked about it and he understands how he's responsible for the way they feel about him.  In the meantime all of my relationships are strained and I just have to remain in a place of peace about my decision to keep moving forward and not walk away.  

He's in a good place right now, he has a plan, a goal and we are in this together.  We are a team and no matter what happens, what is said, we are doing something different now and we have to stick together while doing it.  We can't do what's been done in the past, because it obviously didn't work and neither one of us are grudge holders.

Love forgives and forgives and gives and gives.

I'll be honest and say that at first there was this catch in my throat and my mind said, "what will everyone think?"  Who cares what everyone thinks!  He is my husband!  I love him!  I married him not once but twice!

I have to learn to react better, to remain on his team no matter what happens and I have to learn to do new things that are more helpful if we ever do face the struggles we've already faced.

I have handled things the right way and the wrong way and who the heck really knows anyways?

Change is on the way!

Change is here today!